Pennies

"The total is 2 dollars, 91 cents." I hand the 5 dollar bill to her. She seizes it and as she stuffs it in the register I realize the huge mistake I had just made, and rush to tell her "I have a penn...!"- SHUT. She hands me four pennies and a nickel...

Years ago, they would have asked you, as a courtesy: "Do you happen to have a penny?" In order to save you the effort of having a shit load of copper weighing you down. The lady was quick: She knew that in this world, today, you can't give away all your nickels, dimes, and quarters; even when they don't own the money...

So here is what I'm gonna do: I'm gonna get as many pennies as I can, melt the copper, and fashion a gun out of it, which I will then use to let them know what wonderful things can be done with the unwanted pennies.

SUV jackasses, part 1

So, I arrived at this intersection the other day, having flicked on my left-turn signal half a block before like a good citizen and driver should, and waited for the traffic light to turn green.

The light goes green.

I'm waiting for that gap to make the turn when I immediately hear honking. Honking directed at me. Suddenly I'm thinking maybe my turn signal has fried itself out and the person behind me thinks I'm some moron merely holding up traffic. I later confirmed this had not been the case.

No. The case was that this douchebag in an SUV saw me as an inconvenience. Sorry, your holiness, if I'm being a splintery thorn in your self-entitled ass.